The power of euphemisms

We have been holding rehearsals for my David Bowie tribute memorial nostalgia lovefest thing. I don’t really know what to call it, but it is going to be wonderful.

It didn’t start off quite so wonderfully. A musician/music director was recommended to me who showed up and said he wanted a bigger venue and lots of money. I very politely phoned him the next day and said I was ‘going in a different direction’. I do love a handy euphemism.

And then, like a miracle, I was sent an email from a musician, Mr Divine, who is in the middle of putting together a dedicated David Bowie show himself, and asked if I’d be interested in him performing.

Mr Divine is now the star musician, and musical director of the show. We have spent the last week having daily rehearsals, although truthfully they’re auditions; it’s just that we haven’t been able to call them that less than a week before the actual show.

And my God, it has been an eye-opener. I am a trusting soul. When someone sends me an email and says they’re a keyboard player or singer, and they love David Bowie and they’d love to play, and furthermore, Heroes is what they would love to sing and play, I expect them to be able to sing. And play. I expect them to know the words.

It has been a week filled with handy euphemisms. I was beginning to think this show would end up being entirely Mr Divine’s, which would have been fantastic, if not what I had originally envisaged, with a horde of different musicians, each taking a couple of songs.

And then I remembered that I have a friend who is a Grammy award-winning musician. I asked, she said yes, then she asked all her friends, each of whom is more accomplished and brilliant than the last.

I now have a group of musicians, in my little barn at the Westport Country Playhouse, who have played with the Rolling Stones, Peter Gabriel, Paul McCartney, James Brown, Hall & Oates…

I am feeling enormously proud of myself, and just the teeniest, tiniest bit terrified. They have played huge stadiums. This is not a big show. This is in a barn that holds around 175 people and has dubious acoustics. I’m keeping everything crossed that I can pull this off. Wish me luck.