Jane Green
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Lashes

November 4th, 2017

I was in the hairdresser recently when a buzz of excitement went around the room. There was a woman in there who had false eyelashes, that were magnetic. We all huddled around her chair as she demonstrated how these eyelashes worked – tiny magnets were attached, and she snapped them above and below her eyelash.

I thought it was the most genius thing I had ever seen, particularly because my own eyelashes are short and stumpy, and I have long dreamed of the kind of luscious long lashes that I could pay for if I could be bothered to have eyelash extensions, but I cannot.

(I did try them once. It took over an hour, was deeply boring, and then all the eyelashes on one eye fell off within a week. The lashes on the other eye stayed on for a month. It was a disaster).

I promptly went online, and bought a set of magnetic eyelashes, which arrived, in beautiful packaging, a few days later. I had a cursory practice in front of the bathroom mirror, and it was not only easy, my eyelashes looked fantastic!

Later that night, I set off for a party at a new neighbor’s home. We hadn’t met before. I was dressed casually, apart from my fabulous new eyelashes. I wore sunglasses on the way there, and when we arrived and I took off my sunglasses, my son squinted and said there appeared to be something wrong with my eye.

I ran straight into the loo to check, but they looked fine. Bear in mind I am no longer young. Bear in mind my eyesight is pretty appalling. Bear in mind the loo was lit by a candle only.

I had a lovely time. I met all sorts of neighbors I had never met before, and chatted exuberantly with everyone. I deemed it a huge success until I got back home, and saw, in the bright light of my own bathroom mirror, that one magnetic eyelash had been hanging off for the entire evening.

I was mortified. I am mortified. I don’t think I will ever be able to see these neighbors again. I have now ordered something called Lash Boost made by Rodan & Fields, which is a potion that you brush on to your eyelashes at night, which is supposed to make them grow.

Perhaps, if they grow long enough, my magnetic eyelashes will have something to attach to, and I may get some use out of them after all.

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