What I’m Reading
I love my train journeys into the city every week. I'll either run into the corner store and pick up a week's worth of gossip rags, or, more often these days, I'll bring a book.
Last night saw me going in for dinner with an old friend of Beloved's. We went to La Goulue, which is an Upper East Side haunt, filled with the rich-but-not-as-rich-as-they-were-this-time-last-year and beautiful, but instead of being fussy or intimidating, it's like a traditional French brasserie, and there are always scores of Europeans in there who clearly feel the same way. It's the best place I know for authentic steak frites (although will say last night the frites were more american-style french fries than proper shoestring frites - delicious nevertheless, but unexpectedly thick).
And on the way in, I finished the book I am reading - The Divorce Party, by Laura Dave. her first novel, London is the Best City in America, garnered wonderful reviews, and I had met her at an author tea a couple of years ago. I liked her enormously, and that was despite feeling like the Grande Dame at the tea - I hadn't realised I was so much older than all these authors.
But I'll confess, I was a little nervous about this book. The title made me think of a girl I had heard of who threw a huge divorce party to celebrate her bitter and difficult divorce. She has a number of children. I found it sad, and somewhat tasteless. Divorce is never something to celebrate when you have children, and however relieved you may feel, I'm not sure how appropriate it is to celebrate the end of a marriage that produced your children. So, I was apprehensive, but in fact the divorce party of the title is thrown by both partners, to celebrate their marriage. I believe this is possible, but rare. Possible perhaps only when both parties are in exactly the same place, have reached exactly the same decision, but I don't believe that happens often, for divorce, by its very nature, is painful. It has to be.
Friendship is always possible, desirable in fact, but not until the pain goes away, and there is always pain. Whether in the form of hurt, anger, resentment or simply sadness, you need to feel these things in order to have the proper closure you need.
The book deals with all these things beautifully. It is a lovely, gentle gem of a book. It tells the story of a couple who are about to embark on marriage, going to stay with his parents, who are at the end of theirs. It is mature, and moving, and real, with extraordinary depth and feeling. Please go and buy it. You won't be disappointed.
In some cases friendship is not desirable. I have no hard feeling towards my ex, but I don't think he is a good person. He doesn't really have friends and never had any, something I haven't thought about while I was with him. Now I realize that he just doesn't make a good friend and since we had no children together I don't see a point of being "friends' just because we had a past together.
In some cases friendship is not desirable. I have no hard feeling towards my ex, but I don't think he is a good person. He doesn't really have friends and never had any, something I haven't thought about while I was with him. Now I realize that he just doesn't make a good friend and since we had no children together I don't see a point of being "friends' just because we had a past together.
You're quite right. Friendship, or a form of friendship, is only desirable when you have children together. Otherwise, well, less said the better, no?
"Otherwise, well, less said the better, no?"
Absolutely, the less the better
"Otherwise, well, less said the better, no?"
Absolutely, the less the better
I agree with you. Two people who have gone through a divorce should not go back to being "friends." However I feel that there should be a balance and you should not separate as enemies. I think the best way to keep this balance is to make sure that the actual divorce is peaceful, collaborative. J. Richard Kulerski, a divorce lawyer with forty plus years of courtroom experience, has a lot of great ideas on how to keep a divorce civilized in his latest book, "Divorce Buddy System"
I agree with you. Two people who have gone through a divorce should not go back to being "friends." However I feel that there should be a balance and you should not separate as enemies. I think the best way to keep this balance is to make sure that the actual divorce is peaceful, collaborative. J. Richard Kulerski, a divorce lawyer with forty plus years of courtroom experience, has a lot of great ideas on how to keep a divorce civilized in his latest book, "Divorce Buddy System"