Update on the contents of my purse which I have now decided to detail. Please feel free to do the same - I am now fascinated by the things we women carry in our purses…

1 wallet
1 journal
1 pair reading glasses even though I don’t need reading glasses but am planning on converting them soon.
1 pair sunglasses
1 notebook in which to make notes on book
5 tampons
1 disc - no idea what it contains
1 camera disc
2 nail files
4 pens, including one pencil with no lead
1 pack of gum, despite my rule of no gum in this house.
2 coins
1 blue pill which looks like it may be Tylenol PM
1 plastic googly eye
1 broken silver chain and miniature magnifying glass
1 camera cable
1 digital camera booklet
2 AAA batteries
1 bottle pills
1 small blue plastic lizard
2 Purell hand sanitizers
5 packets hand sanitizing wipes pinched from lavatory on US Airways flight to North Carolina where there was no soap.
1 gift certificate for Judith Ripka jewelry
1 Cowshed lip balm
1 Whole Foods lip balm
1 drugstore special lipstick and balm (think it might be Maybelline)
1 notecard that says ‘The Wheatleigh’ on it, in my handwriting. Can’t remember why.
1 ticket to a play
1 leaflet about an Antebellum mansion in Wilmington
1 discount shopping coupon from The Children’s Place
Various receipts and scraps of paper
1 blue plastic slinky
1 Hermes canvas pouch. Not sure what for.
1 plastic VIP pouch that is supposed to help organise my handbag. HAHAHAHA
2 packets of Imitrex
The top off a Helen Ficalora jewelry box.
2 drawings by Miss Tabitha Faye.
Hairclip
Cornsilk translucent powder.
Borders Reward card
Assorted plastic reward cards, and last, but by no means least, in various stages of decomposition, my many, many, many tissues.

Flicking through The Chestnut’s magazines, I stumbled upon this fantastic picture of the contents of Lily Allen’s handbag in InStyle.

Note how clean and immaculate everything is (not to mention designer).

I was stunned.

And ever so slightly disbelieving.

I don’t believe the contents of anyone’s handbag actually looks like this, unless they’re suffering from a severe case of OCD.

To prove a point, I present to you the contents of my own handbag.

I could have dusted the contents with an inch of cookie crumbs that were also to be found at the bottom, but I decided not to obscure anything.

Note I have enough Tampons to open a CVS pharmacy.

I also have no idea why I have camera discs, batteries, and a cable.

My favorite part is the beige pouch on the bottom left. It’s called a VIP. It’s supposed to keep the contents of your purse organised.

Ah yes. Now I remember why I bought that thing…

So we are flying home today, and someone left a message on Facebook re. the hot tub from hell, saying they film ‘adult’ films in hotel hot tubs.

I laughed a lot. I’m not sure they filmed any adult films in this particular hotel hot tub.

But perhaps I’m wrong.

Deep Throat Infections I caught in the Hot Tub might have been filmed here.

Or

When the Commander - ex-step-aunt. It’s complicated - told us there wasn’t a lot to do here, she wasn’t kidding. Clearly in the Summertime when the weather is fine there is tons to do - we have passed miles and miles of mini golf, zoos, paddle boats - but in February this beach area is a ghost town. The Smalls, however, are thrilled with the indoor swimming pool. I finally gave in yesterday and agreed to swim with them, even though it looks like the pool needs a bloody good clean with carbolic soap and a few thousand gallons of Clorox.

I stepped in the hot tub. The kids threw their hands up in glee. I didn’t have the heart to get out, even though I could practically feel the bacteria oozing around me. Oh GOD.

The one thing that I have noticed, and loved, about North Carolina, is how delightful everyone is. Everyone we pass smiles and says good morning. My children are doing the same thing. At times like these I worry about raising the children in the tri-state area, where we keep to ourselves.

On the way over here, they couldn’t seat any of us together. All smalls were split up around the plane. The check in lady apologised. ‘Don’t worry about it,’ I said. ‘I’m sure people on the plane will move.’

‘Honey?’ She shook her head in disbelief. ‘This is New York. Aint nobody going to move.’

She was almost right. Luckily I had an exit row seat with extra leg room to offer, so I managed to swap.

At least I won’t have to worry about it on the way home - if the plane is full of people from North Carolina, I suspect they will offer their seats before I even have a chance to ask…

I am taking the Eldest Son to the dentist today to have eight teeth pulled.

You heard me correctly. Eight teeth.

Last time he had a meltdown over the possibility of three teeth being pulled.

This time I have bribed him by telling him of the merits of laughing gas.

He is now excited and cannot wait.

I think I may be creating a drug addict.

I am a terrible mother.

(And I hope that tooth fairy remembers to go to the ATM…)