Self-diagnosis
One of my children, the youngest twin, has, we recently realised, fallen prey to the dreaded family disease.
I had hoped he would be free of it. I inherited it from my mother, who has suffered, not very silently, for many years, but I had hoped that I wouldn’t pass it on to my children, that they would lead happy, pain-free lives.
But no. It seems that was too much to ask.
Twin B has Hypochondria.
And not just any old case of Hypochondria, his is chronic.
I feel for him, really I do, for I have lived with it my entire life. In the old days it was manageable, but now that the Internet has made self-diagnosis so easy, I spend my days trawling around the web to see what my symptoms might mean.
Mostly it is (drops voice to whisper) cancer. Whatever is wrong with me, I am convinced it is always cancer.
Many years ago I was talking to a fellow sufferer and I explained my symptoms.
‘I think,’ I said finally, my voice laced with fear. ‘I have prostate cancer.’
She burst out laughing, but I was deadly serious. The humor didn’t last. As soon as she told me I had no prostate, I changed my diagnosis to colon.
A couple of weeks ago I decided I was either developing MS, or Lou Gehrig’s Disease, neither of which are great. Tingling fingers, muscle cramps. I knew what this was.
I took myself off to the doctor who listened patiently, then sent me for a load of tests. When they phoned to say I was absolutely fine, just slightly deficient in Iron, I didn’t believe them.
‘Can you test my thyroid again?’ I pleaded. ‘I know it’s not right.’
And now my son has the disease, and because he is six, and charming, and a drama queen, he has the school nurse wrapped around his finger, and I am now receiving calls from her on a nigh-daily basis.
‘He has a terrible rash,’ she tells me. I get there and it’s a red dot.
‘He says he has a dreadful headache,’ she says. ‘He really must see a doctor.’
Even my doctor is now rolling her eyes when she walks in the room and sees Twin B, grinning away, sitting on the bed.
All I can do is thank God he’s not yet able to trawl the internet…
June 17th, 2009 at 3:17 pm
OK so i am now wondering if it is a British thing, I too am a fellow sufferer, i too had tingling painful fingers and an ankle 2 weeks ago. I have had my blood tests and xray…blood not back yet, They checked thryroid, B12 and for lyme! Maybe it’s Lyme?
See what I mean…….. I always trawl the internet and fear the worst, my friends tell me off and I retire to bed in my own fear…. we are sick, very sick, not in the way we want though…hahahahaha~
June 17th, 2009 at 3:49 pm
Jane, I love how you keep your sense of humor about it all. If any of my kids were exhibiting symptoms of a family disorder (anxiety or hypochondria are no strangers to us) I would be freaking out. I take everything so personally about my kids. I hate that I do it but it gives me so much comfort when I read one of your blogs and realize that you have the same issues raising your children as I (and I’m sure many others) do but it’s the way you handle them that makes all the difference. From now on I’ll just be asking myself, WWJD? (What would Jane do?)
June 17th, 2009 at 3:59 pm
Just wait until twinB is able to google their symptoms. I am a nurse and all day long, I hear about symptoms and that it must be the plague. FUN!
Good Luck!
June 18th, 2009 at 12:17 am
No it is not a british thing…lol. I can completely identify and I am american. As a fellow hypochondriac I have suffered the symptom surfing, the self diagnosis (mostly of cancer too) and even the vivid mind pictures of how my family will deal with my loss and how I will miss out on seeing my kids grow up. I hope my kids escape it but I’m not holding my breath. Glad you keep your sense of humor about it. Feels good to know I am not such a rare species.
June 18th, 2009 at 7:08 pm
“Of course- who needs medical school when you have Wi-Fi” - Dr Gregory House.
June 18th, 2009 at 7:38 pm
Aah, I think I’ve fallen prey to the “disease” as well - having recently gone to the doctor to tell him about my fatigue, convinced it was something incredibly terrible - only for him to say, “Perhaps you should sleep more than five hours a night and see how that goes.” I probably spent too much time surfing the Internet looking for major diseases associated with fatigue! We can always convince ourselves of something…
June 18th, 2009 at 9:52 pm
Ever since I found WebMD’s symptoms checker I have been self-diagnosing. It’s quite a niffty tool, you click the body part and choose the symptoms and they give you a list of probable ailments.
Although the other day my list ranged from headache to brain aneurysm, and I of course was convinced of the aneurysm.
June 18th, 2009 at 11:13 pm
You are so funny!
I know that issue well. I read You: The Owner’s Manual a few years ago, and it helped me gain confidence about my health. Now, if I do have a health question, I make my husband look it up for me, so I can’t get trapped in that web. It’s hard to get unstuck once you fall prey to WebMD.
June 20th, 2009 at 7:54 am
I admit to a similar phobia! How brave of you to speak out about it!
I am currently reading The Beach House. It is not an overstatement to say I look forward to going to bed in the evening in order to read on. Thank you for a great companion.
June 27th, 2009 at 9:50 pm
Jane, I think you should try naturopath and or chinese medicine, as western medicine is horrible. I had allergies since I can remember and the Dr told me I had IBS, etc. Then I decided to go to an Indian naturopath who told me I have gluten and lactose intolerance, which were confirmed by blood tests at GP, then also told me to eat according to my blood type, book by Dr P DADAMO, which helped to control my disorders, etc.
I hope you find a sufficient solution. I truly believe that Herbs are a way to go rather than feeding our kids with chemicals.
Take care
Sylvia
June 28th, 2009 at 6:55 am
My daughter is the same way! Although, she’s more into “issues” of the brain. Her newest obsession of what is wrong with her: short term memory loss. She’s 9 years old. I’ve told her that her future is in psychology. She has a lot of that psycho babble already mastered.
July 1st, 2009 at 12:33 pm
I read Dune Road a few weeks ago when it came out and I kept meaning to drop you a note. I LOVED it!! I love all of your books and after I read each new one, I always declare it my favorite yet, but I really enjoyed the suspense angle.. I was suspicious of everyone, never knowing who to trust! I am just so thankful that you are able to put these wonderful stories on the page so we can all enjoy. Thank you, thank you, thank you! I can’t wait for the next one, LOL!!
July 1st, 2009 at 9:31 pm
That’s not the happiest news in the world, but it’s wonderful to see you going at it with a good sense of humor. You never really know what life will throw at you, but no matter what, we have to realize that life is the most precious gift we’ll ever receive. Oh, I just finished reading Swapping Lives (I’m a bit of a late-coming fan, I’m afraid) and thought it was just an absolutely fantastic book. Really down to earth, really funny, and it just made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I’ll definitely be going down to the library and checking out more of your books. Keep up the wonderful work!