Humble pie
Sometimes, when I'm in a Very Bad Mood, I rant for a bit on places I shouldn't be ranting. Namely, ahem... my blog, facebook, and twitter.
This is the downside of being technologically connected. In the old days, if I was in a bad mood, I could just shut myself away for a bit, have a hot bath, read a good book and wait for it to pass. Now I feel the need to vent, and it's only when the bad mood passes and I go back and read what I have recently posted, that I realise I should have just thrown the computer out the window and dived in the bath.
Now eating humble pie (sugar-free), and apologising if I offended anyone with my small rant on end of year school celebrations. I am hoping I get out of bed on a different side tomorrow...In the meantime, I am turning the faucets on NOW!
(For those still interested, here is original blog. Apologies to SAHM's who may be taking offence. I am not irritated with you, I am irritated with the system that does not fairly cater to all...)
June rolls around, my busiest time of the year, with books coming out simultaneously in the US and the UK. I am flying here, there and everywhere to give book talks, am doing publicity, have a film crew out here next week filming for a pilot, and at the same time, have four children finishing school.
This shouldn't, in itself, be a problem, except that every day, as I sift through my emails, I find countless messages requesting my presence at various parties, performances and shows. They request I volunteer to bring ice-cream, napkins, Goldfish. They request more time from me than I am able to give, and I am at a loss to explain why (I'd like to think it's because I'm great company, but sadly I don't believe that's the case...)
I trust in the schools here. I trust they are doing a perfectly good job without my input. I trust that while my children are at school, they are learning, whilst I am able to work.
I understand that the vast majority of mothers around here do not work. Perhaps they feel the teachers and schools are not able to do their jobs without parental input. Perhaps this is why they are so involved.
For me, however, It is an alien concept. In London I said goodbye to my parents, walked off to school, and didn't see them again until I got home. They were rarely required to come to school unless there was a very big problem, and if I decided not to do my homework, my parents did not do it for me, and I would get in trouble, the consequence being I would end up with a detention.
I love the American way of teaching, but I am troubled and upset by the expectation of parental involvement. I try to go to everything, but sometimes I am just not able to. And those times that I'm not able to go, and the other ninety nine per cent of mothers who do not work are, the only person who ends up getting hurt, is my child.
Someone recently wrote that the entire US school system is predicated on the mothers not working. I'd love someone to explain this to me, particularly as I like to think we are all living in a post-feminist world...
Where did your penultimate post go? I don't think you need to apologize for it. I have been thinking about this kind of thing a LOT lately. I'm a stay-at-home mom, working on my first novel, finding it difficult to make time, totally baffled as to how you accomplish so much with your young ones, but find it instructive and inspiring to hear how it shakes down for you. OK; the tone of the post was a little dismissive of SAHMs, but the frustration is real, and illustrates the other side of the "to work or not to work" dilemma that is a major struggle, for me, and I suspect, for all moms. I appreciated your honesty.
Where did your penultimate post go? I don't think you need to apologize for it. I have been thinking about this kind of thing a LOT lately. I'm a stay-at-home mom, working on my first novel, finding it difficult to make time, totally baffled as to how you accomplish so much with your young ones, but find it instructive and inspiring to hear how it shakes down for you. OK; the tone of the post was a little dismissive of SAHMs, but the frustration is real, and illustrates the other side of the "to work or not to work" dilemma that is a major struggle, for me, and I suspect, for all moms. I appreciated your honesty.
Jane, You are only human and as such, you are entitled to air your views and opinions in the same way as anyone else. Just because you are a best selling author and are in the public eye doesn't mean that you should have to mince your words or keep thoughts to yourself.
If anyone was offened by something you said or wrote, they should have either stopped reading it, or messaged you privatley to let you know how they felt. Bad mood or not, I love reading everything you write, so please keep it up.
As a loyal fan, I take the good with the bad, the highlights and the moments of upset that you share with us. Please don't stop sharing your feelings with us. Your doing so allows us to do the same with you. I have shared many personal things on this blog and have had huge response and support. You deserve the same. xx
Jane, You are only human and as such, you are entitled to air your views and opinions in the same way as anyone else. Just because you are a best selling author and are in the public eye doesn't mean that you should have to mince your words or keep thoughts to yourself.
If anyone was offened by something you said or wrote, they should have either stopped reading it, or messaged you privatley to let you know how they felt. Bad mood or not, I love reading everything you write, so please keep it up.
As a loyal fan, I take the good with the bad, the highlights and the moments of upset that you share with us. Please don't stop sharing your feelings with us. Your doing so allows us to do the same with you. I have shared many personal things on this blog and have had huge response and support. You deserve the same. xx
what you said was true, and i believe if people do not want to hear what you have to say they can walk away, if they do not want to read it, then click down and go to another website.... I'm just sayin...
your entitled to your own opinions and we are not all robots, we get frustrated and in bad moods, and sometimes there are reasons we do.. that's life... your a busy woman with feelings and emotions.....
what you said was true, and i believe if people do not want to hear what you have to say they can walk away, if they do not want to read it, then click down and go to another website.... I'm just sayin...
your entitled to your own opinions and we are not all robots, we get frustrated and in bad moods, and sometimes there are reasons we do.. that's life... your a busy woman with feelings and emotions.....
Jane, back in the 80s I was one of the few mothers who worked in my neighborhood it seemed. My daughter was the only child who didn't have a mother at a school party and that was because I didn't even know about it! I wasn't at the school at pickup time to be included.
I thought that things had changed by now. Most of the mothers that I know are working. I thought that two incomes had become necessary to live a good lifestyle.
Jane, back in the 80s I was one of the few mothers who worked in my neighborhood it seemed. My daughter was the only child who didn't have a mother at a school party and that was because I didn't even know about it! I wasn't at the school at pickup time to be included.
I thought that things had changed by now. Most of the mothers that I know are working. I thought that two incomes had become necessary to live a good lifestyle.
I was the one who tweeted you about the US school system being predicated on mothers not working. I wish that I could have articulated it better, but 140 characters is not a lot to work with. Most of the years that my kids were in school, I was a work at home mom (medical transcription, not best-selling author) and the assumption was that because I was home I was available. I kind of got used to be being thought of as lazy, selfish, the B word, whatever. I am all of those things, but I also believe that it's the school's job to teach. There's a reason I didn't homeschool my children. Lots of them actually, but that's neither here nor there.
I was the one who tweeted you about the US school system being predicated on mothers not working. I wish that I could have articulated it better, but 140 characters is not a lot to work with. Most of the years that my kids were in school, I was a work at home mom (medical transcription, not best-selling author) and the assumption was that because I was home I was available. I kind of got used to be being thought of as lazy, selfish, the B word, whatever. I am all of those things, but I also believe that it's the school's job to teach. There's a reason I didn't homeschool my children. Lots of them actually, but that's neither here nor there.
I enjoy hearing your opinions although, not having raised children myself, I am probably less opinionated on this topic which I recognize is a button pusher for many. I will say that my school memories, growing up in LA a few years ahead of you, was similar to how you grew up in London. My parents did not do my work, direct my activities or appear frequently at school.
I enjoy hearing your opinions although, not having raised children myself, I am probably less opinionated on this topic which I recognize is a button pusher for many. I will say that my school memories, growing up in LA a few years ahead of you, was similar to how you grew up in London. My parents did not do my work, direct my activities or appear frequently at school.
I do not have children yet, but I am an elementary teacher. I know the teachers I work with who are moms feel very guilty about not being able to go to their own children's parties, trips, awards ceremonies, etc. because they have to be at school for their students. However, if we don't have people to help out, we really can't do certain things like field day and field trips. Without parents who stay home (or who can get out of work to help), we'd be in big trouble! I do think it gets a little crazy though. We often have moms showing up unannounced or trying to come to every little event, and sometimes we have to say NO, we don't need help. I can see both sides.
I do not have children yet, but I am an elementary teacher. I know the teachers I work with who are moms feel very guilty about not being able to go to their own children's parties, trips, awards ceremonies, etc. because they have to be at school for their students. However, if we don't have people to help out, we really can't do certain things like field day and field trips. Without parents who stay home (or who can get out of work to help), we'd be in big trouble! I do think it gets a little crazy though. We often have moms showing up unannounced or trying to come to every little event, and sometimes we have to say NO, we don't need help. I can see both sides.
As a working mom (in a school no less!) I don't see anything wrong with your post. I was a STAM for 12 years before going back to work, so I've seen both sides now (if you know your Joni Mitchell, I'll tell you I've reached the same conclusion as her).
For those of us who work at the schools, all those extra parties that have parents crawling all around the room are chaos for us as well. The kids are all jacked up, moms clump together in a corner to gossip and at least one will want a mini impromptu conference in the middle of it all.
Don't feel guilty for what you can't do and don't worry you're not missing anything, it's the end of year, we're just killing time!
As a working mom (in a school no less!) I don't see anything wrong with your post. I was a STAM for 12 years before going back to work, so I've seen both sides now (if you know your Joni Mitchell, I'll tell you I've reached the same conclusion as her).
For those of us who work at the schools, all those extra parties that have parents crawling all around the room are chaos for us as well. The kids are all jacked up, moms clump together in a corner to gossip and at least one will want a mini impromptu conference in the middle of it all.
Don't feel guilty for what you can't do and don't worry you're not missing anything, it's the end of year, we're just killing time!
hmmmm...you know I hear you...and heart you also... Really...you can't make SAHM's feel badly for helping out if there are opportunities to do so. Lots of the activities the kids love at school...would never happen if there were not these committees etc. and fund raising events. Just the facts. I am a little "bent out of shape" that you think SAHM's have nothing better to do... Although I do work from home...it is almost impossible with the kids. I am often totally frazled...up all night working...and the LAST think I want to do is organize Teacher's Appreciation gifts...etc... But then again...great teachers (like ours) deserve LOTS of appreciation...so there you go! I am sure there are some pain in the ass moms "guilting" working moms.....but most of us old moms (mostly around age 30 when started to have kids) had careers before we opted to stay at home. Doing things in the school...gives a us a little bit of the same feeling...like we are NEEDED to do something. (even if I completely suck at any of the jobs they force me to take!) Also ATAH moms don't get paid...but they are still valuable. Aside from maybe Dawn...most of us are not just "killing time!"
xoxox!!! - ps - only a small handful of people ever show up to any of these activities...you are positively NOT the only one who can't make it all the time!!!
hmmmm...you know I hear you...and heart you also... Really...you can't make SAHM's feel badly for helping out if there are opportunities to do so. Lots of the activities the kids love at school...would never happen if there were not these committees etc. and fund raising events. Just the facts. I am a little "bent out of shape" that you think SAHM's have nothing better to do... Although I do work from home...it is almost impossible with the kids. I am often totally frazled...up all night working...and the LAST think I want to do is organize Teacher's Appreciation gifts...etc... But then again...great teachers (like ours) deserve LOTS of appreciation...so there you go! I am sure there are some pain in the ass moms "guilting" working moms.....but most of us old moms (mostly around age 30 when started to have kids) had careers before we opted to stay at home. Doing things in the school...gives a us a little bit of the same feeling...like we are NEEDED to do something. (even if I completely suck at any of the jobs they force me to take!) Also ATAH moms don't get paid...but they are still valuable. Aside from maybe Dawn...most of us are not just "killing time!"
xoxox!!! - ps - only a small handful of people ever show up to any of these activities...you are positively NOT the only one who can't make it all the time!!!
I agree with Trish's comment.
People who are upset don't have to read the post. It's your blog and your life.
It's actually refreshing to read that you're a real person with real frustrations. If your life was always picture perfect, I may not believe or think you were heavily medicated.
You mentioned in this post you're filming a pilot. What is it about?
I agree with Trish's comment.
People who are upset don't have to read the post. It's your blog and your life.
It's actually refreshing to read that you're a real person with real frustrations. If your life was always picture perfect, I may not believe or think you were heavily medicated.
You mentioned in this post you're filming a pilot. What is it about?
Clarification for SAHM Annel- I didn't mean that the moms are killing time, I meant that we, the educators, are.
Imagine the challenge of trying to keep kids engaged in learning when they know the grading period has ended. By the last three days, we throw our hands in the air and have parties and watch movies.
Clarification for SAHM Annel- I didn't mean that the moms are killing time, I meant that we, the educators, are.
Imagine the challenge of trying to keep kids engaged in learning when they know the grading period has ended. By the last three days, we throw our hands in the air and have parties and watch movies.
My wife, when fifteen was removed from the Westport high school system in a desperate attempt by her parents to get some learning into her. She was put against her will into one of Britain's leading boarding schools . The result 11 years returning to her homeland was a woman, beautiful, refined, well mannered, insanely intelligent with A's in her Maths, Biology and Chemistry, a degree in genetics "cum laud em" the Victoria Prize for genetics from Edinburgh University and a PhD in the same and her first internship completed at London's Imperial college and an English fiance. She also believes that there is no chance she would be a stay at home mom and feels her mind is too sharp to waste on that and children need to see there parents follow a vocation. Many of her female work colleagues, scientists and heart surgeons could never give up their work. In terms of our population these are important-indispensable women she has often looked at other women and said to me, "if that persons job disappeared tomorrow what would we actually lose?"
My wife also shares the same name as a certain "chick-lit" writer and could not resist picking one of her name sakes novels off the book store shelf and read it cover to cover- in about 25 minutes flat. Her response raised "If I get to that age and that is all I have to worry about you can tell me something very-very wrong has happened to my career." -
My wife, when fifteen was removed from the Westport high school system in a desperate attempt by her parents to get some learning into her. She was put against her will into one of Britain's leading boarding schools . The result 11 years returning to her homeland was a woman, beautiful, refined, well mannered, insanely intelligent with A's in her Maths, Biology and Chemistry, a degree in genetics "cum laud em" the Victoria Prize for genetics from Edinburgh University and a PhD in the same and her first internship completed at London's Imperial college and an English fiance. She also believes that there is no chance she would be a stay at home mom and feels her mind is too sharp to waste on that and children need to see there parents follow a vocation. Many of her female work colleagues, scientists and heart surgeons could never give up their work. In terms of our population these are important-indispensable women she has often looked at other women and said to me, "if that persons job disappeared tomorrow what would we actually lose?"
My wife also shares the same name as a certain "chick-lit" writer and could not resist picking one of her name sakes novels off the book store shelf and read it cover to cover- in about 25 minutes flat. Her response raised "If I get to that age and that is all I have to worry about you can tell me something very-very wrong has happened to my career." -
Sorry Dawn I stand corrected.
I think I missed the objective of the post ...as I have had a chance to reflect... However...when I read Isaac's post...well...I am just reminded how one sided people can be. Why can't people support each other...and not have to resort to writing "feels her mind is too sharp for that." Come on! Really? What a high horse you are sitting on! She sounds like she should be working and is getting paid nicely to do so. Is that really a reason to put down women/men who are trying to raise their children from inside the home? (without the use of nannies etc?) Did we really have to read her entire resumé?
Go make changes in the school if that is what you want...and be kind to each other. Respect working and non-working parents...and everyone has a different background and opportunities in life...right? Different vocations! DIFFERENT!!!
Good bye...and good luck! Rock on SAHM's and WORKING MOMS!! Peace out haters!
Sorry Dawn I stand corrected.
I think I missed the objective of the post ...as I have had a chance to reflect... However...when I read Isaac's post...well...I am just reminded how one sided people can be. Why can't people support each other...and not have to resort to writing "feels her mind is too sharp for that." Come on! Really? What a high horse you are sitting on! She sounds like she should be working and is getting paid nicely to do so. Is that really a reason to put down women/men who are trying to raise their children from inside the home? (without the use of nannies etc?) Did we really have to read her entire resumé?
Go make changes in the school if that is what you want...and be kind to each other. Respect working and non-working parents...and everyone has a different background and opportunities in life...right? Different vocations! DIFFERENT!!!
Good bye...and good luck! Rock on SAHM's and WORKING MOMS!! Peace out haters!
It is not the system that causes you to have feelings of failure if you can not attend every event, it is you and the choices you have made. With all of our life decisions come the good and the bad. Your choice to work brings you good benefits and some bad. My choice to stay at home also brings me good benefits and some bad.
I choose to join in on some of my daughters activities because school takes up so much time of her life that I would like to be there to participate in some of it. I don't join in because I think the school couldn't educate my child without me there.
I walked through the woods by myself to get to school when I was little. We don't let our children do things like that anymore for safety issues. But if you are still free to kiss your child goodbye in the AM for the day in England, perhaps you should move back there!
It is not the system that causes you to have feelings of failure if you can not attend every event, it is you and the choices you have made. With all of our life decisions come the good and the bad. Your choice to work brings you good benefits and some bad. My choice to stay at home also brings me good benefits and some bad.
I choose to join in on some of my daughters activities because school takes up so much time of her life that I would like to be there to participate in some of it. I don't join in because I think the school couldn't educate my child without me there.
I walked through the woods by myself to get to school when I was little. We don't let our children do things like that anymore for safety issues. But if you are still free to kiss your child goodbye in the AM for the day in England, perhaps you should move back there!
I think women have a hard enough time being women and all the responsibilities and guilt that goes with it without other women adding to it. Some women choose to work, some have to work and some are SAHM due to choice or circumstances. I've been both and found both hard.
When I was SAHM I found it hard to keep mentally challenged and live on a lower income. When I was working I found it hard to keep up with my child's school life and balance the mothering with working. And I found that other women judged me on both choices. (Currently I am a SAHM again, although job-hunting for part-time which in today's economy doesn't exist - my circumstances are currently dictating some time at home with a child who has learning difficulties, aging relatives and one relative who has a long-term illness & needs support.)
Each of us are so different, have different circumstances, different personalities, different children with different abilities. There is no one-size fits all approach that can be taken. You can't just look at another woman on the surface and understand why she has made the choices she has - everyone has stuff and reasons. Ask next time, don't just judge.
So give yourself a pat on the back. You're doing the best you can. And do the same for the woman next to you.
I think women have a hard enough time being women and all the responsibilities and guilt that goes with it without other women adding to it. Some women choose to work, some have to work and some are SAHM due to choice or circumstances. I've been both and found both hard.
When I was SAHM I found it hard to keep mentally challenged and live on a lower income. When I was working I found it hard to keep up with my child's school life and balance the mothering with working. And I found that other women judged me on both choices. (Currently I am a SAHM again, although job-hunting for part-time which in today's economy doesn't exist - my circumstances are currently dictating some time at home with a child who has learning difficulties, aging relatives and one relative who has a long-term illness & needs support.)
Each of us are so different, have different circumstances, different personalities, different children with different abilities. There is no one-size fits all approach that can be taken. You can't just look at another woman on the surface and understand why she has made the choices she has - everyone has stuff and reasons. Ask next time, don't just judge.
So give yourself a pat on the back. You're doing the best you can. And do the same for the woman next to you.
Well said BB.
We, as women, whatever our situations or circumstances are, need to support, acknowledge and apprecaite each other. No matter what your views or choices on raising children or working are, I'm sure we all have our reasons for what we do.
Just stop all the digging at each other, and do what we do best. Be amazing, fabulous, friendly and kind!! Show each other the love you showed me when I had my miscarriage. I know its in you all and there shouldn't have to be a reason as sad as that to show it!
xx
Well said BB.
We, as women, whatever our situations or circumstances are, need to support, acknowledge and apprecaite each other. No matter what your views or choices on raising children or working are, I'm sure we all have our reasons for what we do.
Just stop all the digging at each other, and do what we do best. Be amazing, fabulous, friendly and kind!! Show each other the love you showed me when I had my miscarriage. I know its in you all and there shouldn't have to be a reason as sad as that to show it!
xx
What would Sarah Palin?
Somehow she manages the largest state in the Union, breast feeds her youngest and makes an appearance at a fund raiser for disabled children in New York, and looks fabulous I might add, and still finds time to set Dave Letterman straight!
I guess she's not as dumb as Katie Couric would have you believe!
Now go get some Moose Tracks Ice Cream for the kids!!
What would Sarah Palin?
Somehow she manages the largest state in the Union, breast feeds her youngest and makes an appearance at a fund raiser for disabled children in New York, and looks fabulous I might add, and still finds time to set Dave Letterman straight!
I guess she's not as dumb as Katie Couric would have you believe!
Now go get some Moose Tracks Ice Cream for the kids!!
You would think with all that education, Isaac's wife would have learned perspective taking somewhere along the way. Sure hope you aren't teaching those values to your children...
You would think with all that education, Isaac's wife would have learned perspective taking somewhere along the way. Sure hope you aren't teaching those values to your children...
All mothers are working mothers. Some work for pay outside the home and others do not. We need all kinds of moms to make the world go around. We need each other because, you know, it really does take a village.
When my children were young, I worked part time. It was a great arrangement that allowed me to get out of the house, have some mental stimulation and earn a little money. It also allowed me to spend lots of time with my kids and yes, volunteer at their school. The former helped feed my family. The latter helped feed my soul. I loved working with the kids. I loved feeling like I was making a difference in the day of a little boy struggling to read and feeling stupid or a little girl living in a group home who just really needed to cuddle up a little closer while doing math. I loved watching the kids take care of a Down syndrome child during gym class. I loved getting to know my kids' friends and teachers. I also felt guilty that I wasn't making more money, frustrated that my part time status relegated me to lesser projects, envious when I saw my full time peers get promoted...
Regardless of our mothering choices, we all experience the same gamut of emotions. We are all doing our best. We are all making sacrifices. We all just want our kids to be happy and healthy. We have more in common than some people will acknowledge. Journey on
Whatever your mothering status, don't let the judgers get you down.
All mothers are working mothers. Some work for pay outside the home and others do not. We need all kinds of moms to make the world go around. We need each other because, you know, it really does take a village.
When my children were young, I worked part time. It was a great arrangement that allowed me to get out of the house, have some mental stimulation and earn a little money. It also allowed me to spend lots of time with my kids and yes, volunteer at their school. The former helped feed my family. The latter helped feed my soul. I loved working with the kids. I loved feeling like I was making a difference in the day of a little boy struggling to read and feeling stupid or a little girl living in a group home who just really needed to cuddle up a little closer while doing math. I loved watching the kids take care of a Down syndrome child during gym class. I loved getting to know my kids' friends and teachers. I also felt guilty that I wasn't making more money, frustrated that my part time status relegated me to lesser projects, envious when I saw my full time peers get promoted...
Regardless of our mothering choices, we all experience the same gamut of emotions. We are all doing our best. We are all making sacrifices. We all just want our kids to be happy and healthy. We have more in common than some people will acknowledge. Journey on
Whatever your mothering status, don't let the judgers get you down.
The point of my argument is this. Right at the top of the thread, Ms Green's argument was that the US school system predicates on stay at home mothers and some of the innocuous and puzzling things they as a school put over onto mothers, working or not that actually gets in the way of some serious learning.
In the coffee shop that I frequent after work I am astounded in the gaping holes that exist in the American high school education system in educating its children especially trying to get them into science. An area where far fewer girls are making into the work place. 7% of the top positions in Science in the US are taken up by women. In her laboratory the positions taken by women who are all products of the Chinese, Indian, French, Iranian and Turkish high school systems all of which operate Loco Parentis policies (the parents stay outside the school gates and the school will not contact you unless they deem your child to be really brain dead at which point- fetch the paddles his mind is in defib), only one of her colleagues is from the US school system-this is one of her perspectives of a working American woman and what she believes is wrong with the US education system.
After being thrown into the UK boarding school system, by way of punishment, her three brothers were brought up by, guess what, a stay at home mom who's mind steadily reduced to mush and reared three boys that could not punch their way out of a wet paper bag and three younger male siblings whom she outstrips intellectually and developmentally by more than a country mile.
For example- on the night before Thanksgiving my wife returned home after eleven years away with her future husband worldly belongings and our cat in a carrier. We were not met at the airport by anyone of her family and instead sent a limo driven by a man who's eyes pointed in different directions. When she came into her mothers kitchen she found her siblings and their friends surrounding a cake that was made of sponge and ice-cream shaped and decorated into the poor representation of a Zombie-something my brother in law has a fascination with. It was his twenty-forth birthday.
That was one of the "perspectives" my wife observed about stay at home mother which is why she would rather keep her mind sharp and keep away from the needless anxiety of the tittle-tattle politics of child rearing which has not arrived here because of the children, its here because of the parents.
If you are a working mother or not don't let your time be predicated upon by a less than satisfactory school system that has not found anything more constructive to do with its time than ask you to bring gold fish into school on behalf of your children. If that really is the case there is something wrong. The school system predicates upon your tax bill enough. As for teacher appreciation gifts its delivered by way of this - a salary, hopefully one with benefits and one hell of a lot of days off work.
The point of my argument is this. Right at the top of the thread, Ms Green's argument was that the US school system predicates on stay at home mothers and some of the innocuous and puzzling things they as a school put over onto mothers, working or not that actually gets in the way of some serious learning.
In the coffee shop that I frequent after work I am astounded in the gaping holes that exist in the American high school education system in educating its children especially trying to get them into science. An area where far fewer girls are making into the work place. 7% of the top positions in Science in the US are taken up by women. In her laboratory the positions taken by women who are all products of the Chinese, Indian, French, Iranian and Turkish high school systems all of which operate Loco Parentis policies (the parents stay outside the school gates and the school will not contact you unless they deem your child to be really brain dead at which point- fetch the paddles his mind is in defib), only one of her colleagues is from the US school system-this is one of her perspectives of a working American woman and what she believes is wrong with the US education system.
After being thrown into the UK boarding school system, by way of punishment, her three brothers were brought up by, guess what, a stay at home mom who's mind steadily reduced to mush and reared three boys that could not punch their way out of a wet paper bag and three younger male siblings whom she outstrips intellectually and developmentally by more than a country mile.
For example- on the night before Thanksgiving my wife returned home after eleven years away with her future husband worldly belongings and our cat in a carrier. We were not met at the airport by anyone of her family and instead sent a limo driven by a man who's eyes pointed in different directions. When she came into her mothers kitchen she found her siblings and their friends surrounding a cake that was made of sponge and ice-cream shaped and decorated into the poor representation of a Zombie-something my brother in law has a fascination with. It was his twenty-forth birthday.
That was one of the "perspectives" my wife observed about stay at home mother which is why she would rather keep her mind sharp and keep away from the needless anxiety of the tittle-tattle politics of child rearing which has not arrived here because of the children, its here because of the parents.
If you are a working mother or not don't let your time be predicated upon by a less than satisfactory school system that has not found anything more constructive to do with its time than ask you to bring gold fish into school on behalf of your children. If that really is the case there is something wrong. The school system predicates upon your tax bill enough. As for teacher appreciation gifts its delivered by way of this - a salary, hopefully one with benefits and one hell of a lot of days off work.
@ Isaac... I am so happy that I discovered this blog because, honestly, that was the best laugh I've had in a long time. Just so I'm perfectly clear... your wife is basing her assessment of mothering choices and the school system on her interaction with one American employee and the fact that her family didn't meet you at the airport? Not to be unkind, but it does make me wonder what research methodology she followed for her PhD thesis. Is it possible that you were not greeted with open arms by her family because you and your wife have made no secret of your disdain for them and their zombie-obsessed, mush-brainedness? Maybe they were actually sending a message? I'm just saying...
Clearly you don't have children yet. I think you may find that your parenting and childcare decisions are not so black and white once you are holding that baby. Or your decisions may be perfectly clear, but you might want to leave room for the possibility that you will suffer from the odd moment of tittle-tattle anxiety yourselves. After all, the childcare providers who look after your children while you work will surely have mush-brains as well, spending all their time with children as they do. That can't be good. I'm guessing you won't ask your mother-in-law to help. Maybe you'll crate train until kindergarten? Or, maybe the wall-eyed driver will be available
Oh my... thanks for the entertainment. In all sincerity, I wish you good luck and much happiness. On a parting note: "Don't take yourself so seriously; no one else does."
@ Isaac... I am so happy that I discovered this blog because, honestly, that was the best laugh I've had in a long time. Just so I'm perfectly clear... your wife is basing her assessment of mothering choices and the school system on her interaction with one American employee and the fact that her family didn't meet you at the airport? Not to be unkind, but it does make me wonder what research methodology she followed for her PhD thesis. Is it possible that you were not greeted with open arms by her family because you and your wife have made no secret of your disdain for them and their zombie-obsessed, mush-brainedness? Maybe they were actually sending a message? I'm just saying...
Clearly you don't have children yet. I think you may find that your parenting and childcare decisions are not so black and white once you are holding that baby. Or your decisions may be perfectly clear, but you might want to leave room for the possibility that you will suffer from the odd moment of tittle-tattle anxiety yourselves. After all, the childcare providers who look after your children while you work will surely have mush-brains as well, spending all their time with children as they do. That can't be good. I'm guessing you won't ask your mother-in-law to help. Maybe you'll crate train until kindergarten? Or, maybe the wall-eyed driver will be available
Oh my... thanks for the entertainment. In all sincerity, I wish you good luck and much happiness. On a parting note: "Don't take yourself so seriously; no one else does."
I am so excited you have gotten a "Hemingway" cat. My family loves those cats, they seem smarter with that extra thumb! I just saw a Ragdoll kitten online in Buffalo, NY for sale for less because he has an extra thumb and is considered unperfect so they cannot sell him for the full amount. I cannot believe it. They are just perfect.
I am so excited you have gotten a "Hemingway" cat. My family loves those cats, they seem smarter with that extra thumb! I just saw a Ragdoll kitten online in Buffalo, NY for sale for less because he has an extra thumb and is considered unperfect so they cannot sell him for the full amount. I cannot believe it. They are just perfect.
@ Laurie, excellent response. Brilliant.
@ Isaac Weatherwax, your insults to SAHMs, criticisms of the American school system, and exaltation of the UK education system would be much more convincing if you didn't write like complete shit. I may be a SAHM, but I do know how to use punctuation. Locate your computer's comma button and put it to good use.
@ Jane Green, I'm reading "Dune Road" and really enjoying it. Thanks. No offense taken by this blog post. I'm a big girl, it takes a lot to offend me.
@ Laurie, excellent response. Brilliant.
@ Isaac Weatherwax, your insults to SAHMs, criticisms of the American school system, and exaltation of the UK education system would be much more convincing if you didn't write like complete shit. I may be a SAHM, but I do know how to use punctuation. Locate your computer's comma button and put it to good use.
@ Jane Green, I'm reading "Dune Road" and really enjoying it. Thanks. No offense taken by this blog post. I'm a big girl, it takes a lot to offend me.