Protecting Your Assets
This is so utterly hilarious I am posting the entire thing. Daily Candy fills up my inbox regularly. I am so fed up with their steals and deals, I rarely even open the emails, however this caught my eye.
Protecting Your Assets
The Paparazzi Protector Slip
Know what’s actually not sexy?
Showing your vagina to total strangers. (note from JG: if anyone ever sees me getting out of a car like the woman below, please know that it is because dementia has struck)
Know what else?
Taking off a slinky minidress to reveal bulgy, sausage casing underthings.
Avoid both mishaps with the Paparazzi Protector, a onesie made of nonclingy microfiber meant to be worn underneath short dresses and skirts to prevent hooha exposure when exiting a car.
The smart slip has adjustable straps and comes with a lace lingerie bag for washing and safekeeping. You can choose from ten pretty colors ranging from neutrals (black and nude) to brights (turquoise and purple). Plus, it doubles as a sleepytime romper.
Look who’s bringing sexy back.
Available online at sheltini.com.
Photos: Courtesy of Sheltini
At risk of showing my age perhaps, I must confess I do not understand the whole knickerless trend. How do you get dressed and not put underwear on? Are you supposed to feel sexier? I suspect I would feel...nervous. And naked. And would walk VERY VERY carefully.
And I would not get in and out of cars. AT ALL.
So someone called Shelton Wilder has invented the Sheltini, which protects your private parts from the Paparazzi. It looks to me like a pair of shorts and a vest sewn together. I can't imagine Lindsay Lohan being terribly tempted by the Sheltini, which provides so much coverage, they recommend you also wear it entirely on its own. Which rather defeats the object of the exercise.
And makes me wonder...
What on earth is the problem with a pair of cotton knickers?
You know, I have wondered if some ladies do this "slip" on purpose. You cannot possibly forget that you are sans underwear. I know I would be quite aware of the position of my legs AT ALL TIMES if I did in fact ever choose to go without (which I won't). So I just can't fathom forgetting about this crucial bit of information and flashing my girly bits to the whole world... because we all know, once that picture is snapped, it is doomed to end up on the internet, for everyone to see.
You know, I have wondered if some ladies do this "slip" on purpose. You cannot possibly forget that you are sans underwear. I know I would be quite aware of the position of my legs AT ALL TIMES if I did in fact ever choose to go without (which I won't). So I just can't fathom forgetting about this crucial bit of information and flashing my girly bits to the whole world... because we all know, once that picture is snapped, it is doomed to end up on the internet, for everyone to see.
Hahaha! A while ago E were running promos for a reality show starring a certain blonde, who was shown walking out of her hotel and saying to the camera, "I'm so out of it today. I forgot to put on underwear." Yeah, right. Somehow I have never forgotten. Not once. Not when drunk, jet-lagged or even after marking exam papers for 72 hours straight without sleep. I'm just not buying it. It's clearly deliberate and calculated to get attention. Anyone who's seen the vast array of underwear available, including some very tiny ones, knows it's not a case of 'sausage underwear' or nothing.
Hahaha! A while ago E were running promos for a reality show starring a certain blonde, who was shown walking out of her hotel and saying to the camera, "I'm so out of it today. I forgot to put on underwear." Yeah, right. Somehow I have never forgotten. Not once. Not when drunk, jet-lagged or even after marking exam papers for 72 hours straight without sleep. I'm just not buying it. It's clearly deliberate and calculated to get attention. Anyone who's seen the vast array of underwear available, including some very tiny ones, knows it's not a case of 'sausage underwear' or nothing.
I don't understand the mindset of going commando either. Even when all alone, I'd feel overexposed without undies. While we're "in that area", so to speak, what is the deal with shaving and waxing ALL hair from the chin down? Seriously girls? Guys who want to see a completely bare hooha concern me a bit. Girls these days (yes, I'm getting to the age where I say that) are making things so much more difficult than they have to be. I wouldn't want to be 20 again, that's for sure.
I don't understand the mindset of going commando either. Even when all alone, I'd feel overexposed without undies. While we're "in that area", so to speak, what is the deal with shaving and waxing ALL hair from the chin down? Seriously girls? Guys who want to see a completely bare hooha concern me a bit. Girls these days (yes, I'm getting to the age where I say that) are making things so much more difficult than they have to be. I wouldn't want to be 20 again, that's for sure.
The whole point is Jane that these ladies want to show there bottom end to the world.
The whole point is Jane that these ladies want to show there bottom end to the world.
Let me just say this- with the right Little Black Dress and no panties, date night with the husband is out of this world! Other than that, panties are a must.
Let me just say this- with the right Little Black Dress and no panties, date night with the husband is out of this world! Other than that, panties are a must.