I do not usually post these round-robin e-mails, but I received this today, and have been laughing out loud for the past five minutes…

Summer Classes for Men at
THE
ADULT   LEARNING   CENTER

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
By Friday ,  December  2 1 st 2009

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM

Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays–Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll–Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?–Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor–Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5
Dinner Dishes–Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
At 7:00 PM

Class 6
Loss Of Identity–Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7
Learning How To Find Things–Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8
Health Watch–Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost–Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined

Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday’s noon, 2 hours.

Class 11
Learning to Live–Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy–Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You’re Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 14
The Stove/Oven– What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

Bonsoir, mes amies!

J’ai returned home from Paris, ou, si vous followed moi on Twitter (and vraiment, if you’re not, vous really should be…), vous will know that there was a week when J’ai actually parlee en fluent Franglais. C’etait magnifique, et j’ai enjoyed myself immensely - J’avait forgotten quite combien Franglais J’ai knew, but it all came flooding back, particularly at l’aeroport, where a French woman with unfeasibly large lips attempted to queue-jump, not bargaining on La Furieuse, et Fluent en Franglais, GREEN. I commanded elle to get a la back de la ligne pronto, and she hissed at me, Salope, quel est un very unpleasant french word, mais j’ai didn’t mind, because frankly, I was never a Salope. J’etais far more of une tease.

Pour those who missed moi, ici sont quelques photos from le voyage. Il y’en a some of jolie parcs et musees, and autres de nous.

Par le way, j’ai celebree my premiere Thanksgiving as a US Citizen, avec Foie Gras et Steak Tartare. Oui, oui, je sais, pas tres vegan. J’avais fallen off le vegan voiture avec une GRANDE bump. C’est dommage. Je will attempt a climber back on bientot.

Alors, Joyeux Thanksgiving a tout!

Ma musee favorite, le Rodin Museum. C’etait la premiere jour, quand Belovee shlepped moi round Paris pendant 10 HEURS, avec only 2 brief restes pour cafe. Et il a demande pourquoi j’etais comatose la next day…

Je suis wishing ma garden looked like this. Et ma maison, actually.

Can tu see what je see?

A candle and a prayer in St. Sulpice for my beautiful Heidi. Hers is the one in the middle, biggest and brightest…

S’il vous plait, pas de paparazzi…

Oh okay. Je will smile, si vous insiste.

Merry Meringue Christmas Cookies

2 egg whites
1/8 teaspoon salt
1/8 teaspoon cream of tartar
¾ cup sugar
½ teaspoon vanilla extract
1 cup semisweet chocolate chips
1 cup chopped nuts
3 tablespoons crushed peppermint candy

Preheat oven to 250.

Beat the egg whites until foamy, add salt and cream of tartar, and continue beating until soft peaks form. Add sugar, 1 tablespoon at a time, beating well after each addition. Continue beating until meringue is stiff (ish). Fold in vanilla and rest of ingredients.

Drop by teaspoonfuls, ½ inch apart, on greased baking sheet. Bake for 40 minutes. Try not to eat them all before they cool…