Evening Classes for Men
I do not usually post these round-robin e-mails, but I received this today, and have been laughing out loud for the past five minutes…
Summer Classes for Men at
THE
ADULT LEARNING CENTER
REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
By Friday , December 2 1 st 2009
NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM
Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays–Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll–Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.
Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?–Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor–Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.
Class 5
Dinner Dishes–Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
At 7:00 PM
Class 6
Loss Of Identity–Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM
Class 7
Learning How To Find Things–Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.
Class 8
Health Watch–Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost–Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined
Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday’s noon, 2 hours.
Class 11
Learning to Live–Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined
Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy–Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You’re Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 14
The Stove/Oven– What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.
Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.
December 3rd, 2009 at 4:09 pm
Exceptional!
Even though in our house I’m the one who loves shopping and cooking, I recognize myself in just about all the others. I love the additional info under each heading.
December 3rd, 2009 at 4:41 pm
I absolutely love it! Cann’t stop laughing . Sooooo true
December 4th, 2009 at 8:28 am
Lmao!! That has to be one of the funniest (and most true) things I have ever read! These classes should not only be real, but mandatory for all males when they reach the age of 16. Loved it!
December 4th, 2009 at 10:49 am
I just tried to register but the classes are all full. I’m 1,000,000,007th on the waiting list. Will let you know if we get in.
December 5th, 2009 at 1:39 pm
So there is this woman right and she is married to one of these mechanically declined wall street types who hates to see or pay any other man who can fix the most mundane simple things round the house in a flash but due to his disability he always has to concede, (you know the modern male work force these days is split into two types- those that have to shower before work and those that have to shower after-) anyway one morning at the breakfast table the wife asks her husband still in his pajamas- “Darling, the light in the closet is broken can you fix it?”
_ he replies in a grunt- does it say electrician on this T-shirt?”
“No.” She replies
“Well then.” and off he goes to Wall street,
The next day, at breakfast, the same thing happens. “Darling, the drain in the kitchen sink is blocked- can you fix it?”
“Does it say plumber on this T-shirt?” he grunts in reply.
“No.” Sighs the wife.
“Well then.” and off he goes to get his train to Wall Street.
The next morning the same thing again happens- “Darling, the backdoor is breaking off its hinges, can you do something about it?”
“Does it say carpenter on this T-shirt?” He bawls at her.
“No” she sulks and storms out of the kitchen and leaves her husband to brood into his blackberry.
That evening the husband comes home to find his wife with a huge smile on her face and almost giddy- high even with a glass of wine in her hand. The husband suspicious realizes on inspecting the various parts of the house that the light in the closet has been fixed, the drain cleared and the backdoor fixed asks,
“So I see you got some people in to fix everything? How much did it all cost?”
“Well,” smiles the wife, the guy next door, you know the long haired landscaper said he would fix everything either if I paid him in baked goods or had sex with him.”
“Oh” scoffs the husband “So what did you bake him?”
She answers “Does it say Martha f\\king Stewart on my T-shirt?”
Also there are some classes for women available with titles like “No darling that is a 7/16th’s I said I wanted a 5/8ths” and Jigsaw or Skill saw How? Why? Where and When.
December 9th, 2009 at 10:20 am
That was fun. I have to say, my own Better Half remembers flowers frequently and knows which are my favorites. In fact, the florist knows him! Great LOL during a busy week.
December 9th, 2009 at 12:28 pm
LOL about the classes and about Isaac’s post. I might have to show both to my hubby!
February 10th, 2010 at 10:58 pm
This is hysterical! Just stumbled upon ur blog and loving it. Absolutely loved The Beach House. I am such a fan!!
March 10th, 2010 at 11:25 am
Cheers for that link, but I don’t appear to be able to access that site, I am just finding a blank page.